We agreed to a new Parenting Plan; should we go back to Court?

It is typical for parents to make changes to their parenting plan and visitation schedules as their children age. Indeed, we often refer clients to two resources which suggest that parenting plans need to change as children age to accommodate their different developmental requirements: Planning for Shared Parenting: A Guide for Parents Living Apart and the Model Parenting Plans.

In addition, we usually include the following paragraph or something similar in our agreements:

Nothing contained in this Agreement shall preclude both parents from jointly and voluntarily modifying the above-described co-parenting schedule or from reaching agreements for the co-parenting of the children by the parents that are not in conformity with the foregoing co-parenting schedule provided that such modifications and agreements be reduced to a writing in advance and be signed and/or otherwise (e-mail) confirmed and/or otherwise ratified by both parties. Either parent may request a modification of the foregoing parenting schedule from the other parent. Any modification of the parenting schedule shall be requested reasonably in advance, except in emergency situations. The parties shall take into consideration the best interests of the children when discussing exceptions to the parenting schedule.

This is intended to provide parents with encouragement to be flexible when life requires it or children's ages require new arrangements.

But, if you enter into such a modification, should you go back to court to have it approved by the court?

According to the Massachusetts Appeals Court in an unpublished decision, if you don't ratify the agreement in writing and have it approved by the court it may not be enforceable. In Benoit v. Benoit the court found that the oral agreement between parents to make changes to the parenting schedule was not sufficient evidence to show a material and significant change in circumstances. The court therefore refused to enter the oral agreement as a new order. If the parties had made the agreement in writing and entered it as an Agreement for Modification, then the Father could have enforced it in court. But since they didn't, the court was not willing on the evidence of an oral agreement alone, to enforce the changes.

What is a Parenting Plan? What is the best Parenting Plan for my children?

A Parenting Plan is a comprehensive agreement which sets out both the time that children will spend with each parent as well as the rights and obligations of each parent to the children and the other parent during their parenting time. It can include a holiday visitation schedule, pick-up and drop-off locations, and even agreements relating to what will happen if one of the children becomes ill. Parenting Plans are necessary when two parents live apart (whether because they were never married, are divorced, getting divorced, or simply choosing to live separate and apart).

Parenting Plans can be made specific in instances where it is necessary to prevent future conflict, and they can be made flexible so that you and the other parent can make agreements outside of the parenting plan in unforeseen circumstances.

The best Parenting Plan for each family will depend on the ages of the children in that family,the schedules of both the parents and the children, the relative parenting abilities of each parent, any special needs of the children, and the family's traditions. Many people have trouble figuring out where to start in creating a parenting plan and in order to assist separate parents, the Massachusetts Courts asked a a Task Force of judges, lawyers, probation officers and mental health professionals to provide Model Parenting Plans. The Plans are available on the Massachusetts Courts website and although not mandatory or presumptive they can be helpful in designing a Parenting Plan that reflects the ages of the children and the relative involvement of each parent. While these schedules may not work for every family, they are instructive as to what many experts believe are the types of schedules most likely to encourage positive child development.

When considering the best Parenting Plan for their family, we encourage our clients to review these Model Parenting Plans as well as the guide: Planning for Shared Parenting: A Guide for Parents Living Apart.

Thank you to Fern Frolin of Grindle, Robinson, GoodHue & Frolin for bringing this latest news to our attention in her presentation at the MCFM Family Mediation Institute on November, 22, 2010.

How should a Child's Age affect their Parenting Plan?

It doesn't take a child development specialist to know that children of different ages have different needs. But how do we apply this knowledge to create age-appropriate parenting plans?

The greatest key to working out an appropriate parenting plan regardless of age, is being able to communicate effectively with your co-parent (or take advantage of resources to help you communicate effectively such as mediation or collaborative divorce).

But if you are not able to work out a plan directly, or need assistance in figuring out what might work best, there are resources available.

Zero to Three: Parenting Issues and Parenting Plans For Young Children is an article devoted specifically to the developmental needs and corresponding parenting plans for very young children.

In Massachusetts, the Court recognizes that their are certain developmental stages that each child goes through, and that it is important for both parents to be involved in the child's life for their development to be complete. In an attempt to recognize at least some generalities in these differences, a committee of mental health practitioners, family law lawyers and Judges wrote a very useful guide to shared parenting called Planning for Shared Parenting: A Guide for Parents Living Apart.

In addition, a similar committee of Massachusetts judges, practitioners and mental health professionals produced Model Parenting Plans, which in many ways correspond to the recomendations suggested by the earlier Planning for Shared Parenting brochure.

At Kelsey & Trask, P.C. we have created a Parenting Plan Worksheet to help you visualize these Model Parenting Plans and/or other Custom parenting plans on a color-coded Calendar.

What's in a Name? - The Problem with Labeling Parents "Custodial Parent" vs. "Visiting Parent"

It's difficult for people who haven't been involved in a divorce case to understand why divorcing spouses can be so mean to each other, especially when children are involved. But the emotions that couples experience when going through a divorce can be like riding a roller coaster. Many experts describe the emotional process of dealing with a divorce as similar to that of dealing with the death of a loved one, including all the same stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. When divorces involve children, these emotions are amplified by parent's fears that they will "lose" their children.

This is why the labels of "custodial parent" and "visiting parent" carry so much baggage with them, and can make people fight when they don't need to. When it comes to figuring out the best way that both parents can remain involved in the lives of their children, we believe it is more important for clients to focus on what the actual plan is, rather than the labels. We recently wrote a post about Parenting Plans, that focused on how parents can come up with a Parenting Plan as part of their divorce case.

But it is also important to know what significance the labels have. As the court moves away from the "custody vs. visitation" model towards a "parenting plan" model much of the old significance to these labels has been drained from them. For example, the Child Support Guidelines use to simply specify that the custodial parent pays the non-custodial parent the figure calculated by applying the Child Support Guidelines Worksheet. However, the new Massachusetts Child Support Guidelines clarify as follows:

"These guidelines recognize that children should enjoy parenting time with both parents to the greatest extent possible consistent with the children’s best interests.

These guidelines are based upon the child(ren) having a primary residence with one parent and spending approximately one­third of the time with the other parent.

Where two parents share equally, or approximately equally, the financial responsibility and parenting time for the child(ren), the child support shall be determined by calculating the child support guidelines twice, first with one parent as­ the Recipient, and second with the other parent as the Recipient. The difference in the calculations shall be paid to the parent with the lower weekly support amount..."

This clarification obviates the need for using the label of custodial parent, because the amount of time the child spends with each parent in the parenting plan will define how we apply the guidelines.

Likewise, the title of "sole custody" vs. "joint custody" used to have definite legal significance regarding what standard would be applied when a parent wanted to remove the child from the Commonwealth and move to another state. The differences in the applicable standards was the weight that should be given to the benefit of the relocation to the parent seeking to move. In the case of "sole custody" the benefit to the relocating parent is given so much weight that it is a difficult burden to overcome, and in many cases relocation is allowed. In the case of "joint custody" the benefit to the relocating parent is not given as much weight, and the disruption to the non-moving parent's parenting time will often outweigh the benefits of the move, and so in many cases relocation is not allowed.

But recent court decisions have cut back on the significance of the labels in these cases as well, focusing more on the actual parenting time spent with the children by each parent to determine whether the children were truly living equally with both parents or not. In Altomare v. Altomare 77 Mass. App. Ct. 601 (2010) the Court held that the parenting time arrangement, which involved significantly more time with the Mother, was more important than the label of shared physical custody. The Court in Altomare looked past the "shared physical custody" label and indicated they would treat the case as a "sole physical custody" case for purpose of applying a removal standard, because that was what the parenting time actually reflected. See also Katzman v. Healy, Appeals Court of Massachusetts.No. 09-P-2341. (2010) in which the Appeals Court overturned a trial judge who, according to the appeals court, mixed the standards together in the case where the Mother's label was "sole physical" custodian, but also where Mother had significantly more parenting time with the children.

Because the history of these cases is important, we do not mean to imply or express the opinion that the labels have lost all legal meaning. However, it is clear that the Court is leaning away from these labels and towards an analysis of how the actual parenting time impacts the social, emotional and financial effects on children and their parents. If you are mired in a fight over labels, you should consider re-focusing your attention on the best Parenting Plan for your family and let the realities of that plan inform these other issues, rather than letting the cart lead the horse.

Should Parenting Plans include Holiday schedules?

As discussed in a previous post a Parenting Plan is a comprehensive agreement which sets out both the time that children will spend with each parent as well as the rights and obligations of each parent to the children and the other parent during their parenting time. Parenting Plans can be made specific or flexible depending on the requirements of each case but usually contain a base schedule.

In most cases it is also advisable to supplement the base schedule with a holiday schedule. At Kelsey & Trask, P.C. we have a template holiday plan that includes proposed schedules for many of the typical holidays that parents and children enjoy sharing together. However, we often encourage our clients to try and create their own holiday plans based on their family traditions, trying to keep as much of the family traditions intact for children already experiencing many changes.

If you are a separated or divorcing parent, we suggest that you pay special attention to how your children experience holidays and how each parent can continue to share in those traditions.

What does a Child Specialist do in a Collaborative Divorce?

Guest Post Introduction: Dr. Allison J. Bell, Psy.D. has been in private practice in Westchester County, N.Y. since 1987 and is specialty-trained in child-psychology, neuropsychological evaluation of children and marital therapy. For the past fifteen years, Dr. Bell has performed forensic custody evaluation in both Family and Supreme Courts in the southern New York State region. Dr. Bell serves as both a Divorce Coach and a neutral Child Specialist on Interdisciplinary practice teams and is a member of the Massachusetts Collaborative Law Council. Dr. Bell wrote the following guest post for us regarding:

THE CHILD SPECIALIST IN COLLABORATIVE DIVORCE

By Allison J. Bell, PsyD.

The Collaborative Divorce process is unique amongst methods of obtaining a divorce in that it offers the opportunity for children to express their needs and viewpoints to their parents, through a professional conduit, the Child Specialist.

Who is a Child Specialist, what does that person do, and why is it beneficial to families to have a Child Specialist as part of the Collaborative Divorce Team?

Child Specialists are licensed mental health professionals who are trained in mediation and collaborative divorce practice. They are practitioners who also have training and experience in child development, family systems and divorce counseling.

The Child Specialist is often brought into the process when issues surface regarding the development of a Parenting Plan, and when parents want to know more about how their children are faring during the process. Ideally, when attorneys know that there will be problems to be solved regarding children, the Child Specialist is part of the Team from the outset.

Divorce is a phenomenon that occurs in relationships between adults. Children bear the fallout of divorce, and often find themselves placed squarely in the center of their parents’ disputes. They may be totally blindsided by the announcement of divorce, or may have expected it all along, but either way, they have something to say about it.

The outcome research on the adjustment of children of divorce strongly suggests that children believe they are not heard, seen or considered adequately in their parents’ process. They specifically tell researchers that they suffer from being in the dark, from having too little meaningful information, and from being unable to have a voice about the outcome. It is not that they see themselves as equal decision makers; they don’t. Children simply want parents to acknowledge that the adult decision to divorce has a direct, long-term impact on kids.

The Child Specialist functions as a Neutral member of a Collaborative Divorce Team, consulting to both the parents and the team members. The Child Specialist is the only team member who sees everyone in the family, and therefore has the unique opportunity to shed light on that family’s particular dynamics.

The Child Specialist begins by meeting with both parents in order to learn about the children, from a neutral perspective. The Child Specialist then meets with the children, together and individually, and offers them an opportunity to express their needs and concerns about the divorce. These meetings also help the children learn more about the divorce process and create a safe space for their emotional experience. It helps them to recognize when/if they are being put in the middle, and may offer them tools to be able to extricate themselves from this position.

The Child Specialist provides feedback to the parents in a five-way meeting with the Coach present. This way, the parents and the Coach hear the same information and have an opportunity to ask questions that may be relevant to developing the Parenting Plan. If children are in distress, the Child Specialist may make referrals for treatment or evaluation as needed. The Child Specialist’s perspective can help alleviate conflicts pertaining to the children, and allows the parents to consider post-divorce parenting with the voices of their children center-stage.

Should Parenting Plans change with the age of the children?

I have recently become a Father and I spend a lot of time amazed at how my daughter changes every day. Those changes mean that her needs continue to change and grow, and paying attention to those changes is part of effective parenting.

Every case is different, especially when it comes to family dynamics, so every case requires your attorney to listen and learn about YOUR family. Because every family is so different, there cannot be specific guidelines on custody and visitation for every family or even every child.

The Court does try to recognize that their are certain developmental stages that each child goes through, and that it is important for both parents to be involved in the child's life for their development to be complete, and also that at each stage, a child's needs are different.

In an attempt to recognize at least some generalities in these differences, a committee of mental health practitioners, family law lawyers and Judges was formed. They wrote a very useful guide to shared parenting called Planning for Shared Parenting: A Guide for Parents Living Apart. Our firm recommends that any parent involved in a custody case read this brochure and use it as a starting point for thinking about and discussing how their child's unique needs can be met by a well-thought out and tailored Parenting Plan, and how that Parenting Plan will have to change as the child grows older.