What does a Collaborative Law Coach do?

Guest Post Introduction: Gina Arons, PsyD is a clinical psychologist with over 25 years experience working with adults, children, couples and families at her practice in Lincoln, MA.  She is a Collaborative Law coach-facilitator and mediator.  Dr. Arons serves on the board of The Massachusetts Collaborative Law Council (MCLC) and is a member of The International Academy of Collaborative Professionals and The Massachusetts Council of Family Mediation.  She wrote the following guest post for us regarding:

WHAT DOES A COLLABORATIVE LAW COACH DO?

By Gina Arons, PsyD

When a couple decides that their marriage has come to an end, Collaborative Law offers an open and respectful divorce process in which clients, attorneys, and other collaborative professionals work together to develop an agreement that is acceptable to each of the parties.

As an integral part of this collaborative team, the Collaborative Law Coach serves as a neutral facilitator who works to understand the client’s emotional concerns, share important information with the attorneys, and offer communication strategies. Coaches are licensed mental health professionals with specialized Collaborative Law training who bring unique perspectives and expertise to the collaborative process.

Within the context of a divorce, clients often feel hurt or disappointed by their spouses and may find it difficult to listen or remain open to one another’s ideas. Throughout this process it is very useful to have a Collaborative Law Coach who can facilitate communication and help mitigate tensions that may hinder the success of the collaborative process.

From the very beginning, the coach helps to build a strong foundation for the collaborative process by serving as a useful resource for both clients and their attorneys. Before the first 5-way meeting, the coach meets with each client to address their concerns and gain insight into their needs, interests, and goals. The ideas and issues raised during this initial meeting serve as a guide to developing a divorce agreement that feels viable to both parties.

The coach also meets with both attorneys to establish a good working relationship and to share essential information that will enable their clients to feel comfortable and understood throughout the process. Taking into account current or potential areas of conflict, the coach and the attorneys develop plans to ensure that each client will feel heard and supported during the collaborative process. A coach may also meet with clients independently in order to assist with other aspects of the divorce. For example, a coach with child development expertise may help clients to develop a parenting plan which is sensitive to the needs and well being of their children and is manageable for each of the parents. Additionally, if volatile or complex emotional issues arise that may interrupt the collaborative process, it can be very useful for clients to work through the problem with their coach before moving forward in making difficult decisions. It is important to note, however, that the coach does not serve in the role of a psychotherapist, but rather is a member of the collaborative team―sharing all relevant information with both attorneys in the service of enhancing the collaborative process.

During all the stages of a Collaborative Law case the coach works to ensure that the process is proceeding in a positive way. Through regular contact with the attorneys and clients via email, phone and meetings, the coach is a vital part of the team of professionals who work together with the clients to reach a peaceful resolution.

The New Alimony Law: A Primer for the Public

The Divorce Center Offers Seminar Introducing Recent Major Changes to the Massachusetts Alimony Law
Effective March 1, the Alimony Reform Act of 2011 Changed the Massachusetts Alimony Law Significantly for the First Time in 30 Years

Newton, Mass. – March 28, 2012 – The Divorce Center, a non-profit organization of professionals from multiple disciplines providing support and education for people going through separation or divorce, is offering a seminar entitled:

“The New Alimony Law: A Primer for the Public” on May 15, 2012 from 7:00 to 9:00 p.m. at the Weston Public Library community room, Weston, MA.

David L. Rubin, Esq., and Debra L. Smith, Esq., attorneys practicing divorce and family law, will speak on the numerous changes made to the Massachusetts Alimony Law, which has not been updated in 30 years. The changes were prompted by the Alimony Reform Act of 2011 and were effective March 1.

The Massachusetts Alimony Reform Act of 2011 changed when and how alimony can be ordered, and when and how alimony orders can be ended. The new law affects anyone who currently is or may be receiving alimony.

Attendees will learn:

• The multiple types of alimony defined by the new law; 
• The maximum amount of alimony defined by the new law; 
• The new limits to the duration of the general term of alimony; 
• When and if existing alimony orders can be modified; and 
• The factors that will determine the type, amount and duration of alimony.

The Weston Library is located at 87 School Street, Weston, MA.

This seminar is offered free of charge, however a donation of $20 is suggested.

For more information on “The New Alimony Law: A Primer for the Public” and to register for the seminar, visit: http://thedivorcecenter.org/public/seminars.php.


About the New Massachusetts Alimony Law:

The new Massachusetts Alimony Law states that the amount of alimony should not exceed the recipient’s need or 30-35% of the difference between the two parties’ incomes. Also, the income considered when setting alimony orders does not include capital gains income and interest and dividend income from assets already divided. When modifying orders, income from a second job or overtime is excluded if the party works more than a single full-time equivalent position, or if the second job or overtime started after entry of the initial order. The general alimony term ends upon the death of the payor or recipient, remarriage of the recipient, the payor attaining the full retirement age, co-habitation of the recipient with another person for a continuous period of at least three months, or the expiration of the duration formula, which is based on the length of the marriage.


About The Divorce Center:

The Divorce Center is a non-profit organization of legal, financial and mental health professionals providing support and education for people going through separation or divorce. Since 1983, the non-profit organization has been helping ease the trauma of divorce and make the process more civilized, especially for the children.

The Divorce Center provides two tiers of service:

• Educating individuals and the community at large about divorce and its effects, and the services and resources available to them; and 
• Helping professionals from various disciplines improve the service they provide to their divorcing clients. The organization offers its expertise and compassion to all those who need it — individuals and families, divorce professionals, religious groups, parent organizations, non-profit groups, and others who can benefit from the professional programs, public education and support groups.

For more information, visit http://thedivorcecenter.org.

Sexting now considered a Crime against Chastity, Morality, Decency and Good Order in MA.

On April 12, 2010 the Massachusetts legislature passed AN ACT RELATIVE TO ASSAULT AND BATTERY BY MEANS OF A BODILY SUBSTANCE UPON CORRECTIONAL FACILITY EMPLOYEES AND EXPANDING THE PROHIBITION ON THE DISSEMINATION OF OBSCENITY.

The second portion of the Act has to do with amending the Commonwealth's laws against distributing obscenity to close a gap in the law.

The previous statue defined "matter" as

"any handwritten or printed material, visual representation, live performance or sound recording including but not limited to, books, magazines, motion picture films, pamphlets, phonographic records, pictures, photographs, figures, statues, plays, dances."

The new law expands this definition by adding:

"or any electronic communication including, but not limited to, electronic mail, instant messages, text messages, and any other communication created by means of use of the Internet or wireless network, whether by computer, telephone, or any other device or by any transfer of signs, signals, writing, images, sounds, data, or intelligence of any nature transmitted in whole or in part by a wire, radio, electromagnetic, photo-electronic or photo-optical system."

In addition, the definition of “visual material” is amended, by inserting after the word “computer”, the following words: ", telephone or any other device capable of electronic data storage or transmission."

These changes will expand charges for distribution of obscene material to include sexting, and other cell phone related distribution.

This is just one more reason to be careful and think twice about what you e-mail, text, or otherwise send electronically. For more information about why you should be careful about texting see our previous post: What you text can and will be used against you!

What do I do if my ex threatens to take our child out of the country?

If a parent wants to move a child's residence out of the country, then the same laws apply as when the parent wants to move to another state, though the evaluation by the Court may be slightly different. The removal statute is discussed at length in our previous blog: What do I do if my ex wants to move out of state with our child?.

If you are afraid that the other parent may remove the child illegally and once the child is out of the country it may be difficult to get them back, then there is still something you can do. The U.S. Department of State has a website entitled Child Abduction Prevention with many useful tips including:

1. Be aware of your state's laws relating to removing the child from your state against the other parent's wishes. This is a crime in most states and may also be a federal crime.

2. Obtain a custody order that clearly defines both your and the other parent's rights relating to the child and any limitations on those rights.

3. Be aware of U.S. Passport law, which requires the signature of both parents to obtain a passport for a child. If you are concerned that your ex might try to obtain a passport without your signature or with a forged signature, then you should apply to The Children's Passport Issuance Alert Program. You can obtain the entry form by clicking here.

4. If your child already has a passport you can ask the Court to require its surrender.


Thank you to Robert P. Schneiders, Esq. of Canton, MA for forwarding us this information on The Children's Passport Issuance Alert Program.

Seminar: What Happens to the Marital Home During Divorce?

The Divorce Center Offers Seminar:
What Happens to the Marital Home During Divorce

The Divorce Center, a non-profit organization of professionals from multiple disciplines providing support and education for people going through separation or divorce, is offering a seminar entitled:

“What Happens to the Marital Home During Divorce” on June 7, 2012 from 6:30 to 8:30 p.m. at the Wellesley Free Library, 530 Washington Street, Wellesley, MA

Carol Khouri, CFP, CDFA, a financial advisor with Wingate Wealth Advisors, will lead and moderate a panel of legal, mortgage and banking professionals who specialize in working with and representing divorcing couples and individuals. 

The panel of speakers includes:

• Matthew P. Trask, Esq., Kelsey & Trask P.C., Framingham, MA;
• David M. Gaffin, MBA, senior loan officer, Greenpark Mortgage, A Division of Berkshire Bank, Needham, MA; and
• Barbie Jetter, MS, CPC, CDPP, regional lending manager, Bank of Canton, Canton, MA. 

The panel will discuss the various housing options that are available to divorcing couples during and after the divorce. Topics will include:

• Selling the marital home and splitting the proceeds;
• One spouse staying in the home until children graduate high school or college;
• One spouse buying out the other’s interest;
• What happens when there is no equity and the couple needs to do a short sale; and
• Ramifications of doing a short sale. 

This seminar is offered free of charge, however a donation of $20 is suggested.

For more information or to register, visit http://thedivorcecenter.org.

CPR: Co-Parenting with Respect: A program designed for parents who want to co-parent more effectively.

Guest Post Introduction: Jill Reiter LICSW and 2 other highly trained and experienced mental health professionals combined their education, years of experience and knowledge to create a well thought out educational program that addresses the complications involved in co-parenting through and after divorce. This program has been implemented in the Denver area with great success! The Co-Parenting with Respect or CPR program is now available in Concord, MA.

Jill provided us with the following guest post describing the CPR Program:


CPR: Co-Parenting with Respect:
A program designed for parents who want to co-parent more effectively.

Co-Parenting with Respect through and after divorce is a concept that has been plaguing parents, attorneys, therapists, judges and children for years. How do we assist families in high conflict to continue to interact respectfully in an effort to offer their children what they need in spite of their current personal struggles?

How does the CPR Program work?

The CPR Program involves the whole family:

Any parents who were never married, separating, divorcing or post divorce, which are experiencing conflict in the area of parenting their children. Parents must attend together. If remarried or co-habitating step parents must attend too. Parents with restraining orders may get this modified and attend as well. (Safety concerns will be considered and precautions instituted)

The CPR program gives everyone a voice:

The CPR program in total is 10 hours over 6 weeks and is delivered in 3 phases.

1. Child Voice session: the children use the first hour only! for purposes of gleaning information on how the children are experiencing their parents conflict and what they would like to see change. We do this by giving the children developmentally appropriate activities that allow the children to express their thoughts and feelings in a safe and constructive manner. We tell children that this will be used for the purposes of helping their parents to better meet their needs and work out their differences (or some variation thereof).

2. Parent’s sessions: Total of 4 two-hour sessions that delve into the heart of respectful communication, how this relates to the needs of their children and exercises on how to implement the techniques and skills taught in the class. CPR goes beyond just the "how to" and "why" by assisting client’s co-parenting skills through practice sessions and building on what they already know. This individualized program implements curriculum on healing and moving beyond the conflict of the past to focus on the children now.

3. Family Commitment session: This is the final 1 hour session where the entire family convenes in the office and parents deliver (a very well thought out and practiced response) to their children focusing on, not only the content of the children's concerns and experiences, but what they have learned in the class and the commitment they will make to their children.

The CPR Program is affordable:

The program is designed to be affordable! The CPR staff realizes the enormous costs associated with divorce including attorney's fees or GAL fees, lost work due to court time and court fees, let us not forget parking and the emotional cost of all of the above!) In its entirety is $600 per parent. That is only $120 per hour for a program that could drastically change the course of their lives. The fees are collected at the time of registration and non-refundable if parents choose not to finish the program.

We also strive to be flexible in the area of scheduling. Daytime and Evening hours are available and occasionally even weekends.

Through the experience of the CPR staff, we realized that ongoing support and accountability are necessary for the sustainability of the skills learned and practiced throughout the program. We there for developed what we term “Booster sessions”. These sessions are in addition to the structured program; therefore clients will pay for these separately at the time of the session.

We recommend that clients end their family commitment session by scheduling their follow up in 3 months. This will further solidify the need to implement and carry out the plans that were outlined in the final session. The entire family would come to the follow up meeting.

The CPR Program has proven success:

CPR is a very well thought out program that is delivered in a safe and comfortable environment. Clients have literally changed the course of the lives of their families by working through their old patterns and developing healthy styles of interaction and communication patterns that focus on the health and well being of their children.

You can read more on the CPR program by visiting www.coparentingwithrespect.com or call Jill Reiter LICSW directly to register today! 978-424-1170.

Divorce and Renewal Spa BootCamp Weekend for Women

Once in a while we post events on this blog that are organized by other professionals whom we respect. 

Below you will find information on a spa weekend for divorcing women, organized by Family Law Attorney Paula H. Noe, and Psychotherapist and Divorce Coach Betsy Ross. It sounds interesting but it leaves me wondering if I can successfully convince my wife that I need to organize a Golf Weekend for Divorcing Men.

Even if that never happens, there certainly is some value to finding alternative ways to help both men and women find healthy ways to deal with the stress of divorce and learn how best to manage that stress in the future.  To that end here is the invitation forwarded by Betsy Ross for their program:

DIVORCE AND RENEWAL SPA BOOTCAMP WEEKEND FOR WOMEN April 21-22, 2012
Norwich Inn and Spa
Norwich, CT
See DivorceAndRenewal.com

The weekend will provide an opportunity for women who are

RECOVERING FROM DIVORCE
or
STRUGGLING THROUGH DIVORCE
or
THINKING ABOUT DIVORCE

to spend a weekend of renewing themselves, jumpstarting the rest of their lives and creating a community. We have brought a team of highly skilled divorce professionals to help us teach skill and tactics in 2 days of stimulating and creative workshops.


Paula and I will be co-teaching and co-facilitating many of these workhops, including:

• "Communication Tools and Tips: How to Get What You Want With Words!" 
• "How to Talk Divorce with Your Children, Your Attorney, Your Community" 
• "Artful and Successful Negotiation: Can I Win It?" 
• "Anger-Weapon or Tool: How can I use it?"
• "Preserving my family" (includes: "Who gets to keep our friends?") 
• "Stress and String Beans: Time Management and Organizational Skills" 
• "How do I re-launch and re-enter: personal marketing and relationship skills" (includes "Common Obstacles to Close Relationships") 

and even -

• "Online Dating: How do I?", (includes: "The Art of Finding Someone New") 
• "Allowing Happiness" 

and we are lucky enough to have put together a panel of divorce professionals who will speak on our lunch panel and then participate in in-depth workshops:

• "Financial Tips and Traps for the Unmarried Woman", facilitated by Susan Miller of Aurora Financial, Wellesley, MA. 
• "Increasing Your Parenting IQ: Co-parenting before, during and after divorce", facilitated by Judith Farris Bowman, Esquire, of Bowman, Moos and Elder, Cambridge, MA. 
• "War Stories From the Bench: A Divorce Judge's View of Good and Bad", facilitated by Chouteau Merrill Levine, Retired Probate and Family Court Judge, Suffolk County, MA, currently of Levine Dispute Resolution of Westwood and Northhampton, MA. 

So please help us get our message out - do you know anyone who would benefit?

Click here to see the brochure - Divorce_and_Renewal_Better_Q.pdf

Congratulations On Your Divorce; Time To Update Your Estate Plan

The following is a guest blog post written by our colleague Danielle G. Van Ess, Esq. of DGVE law, LLC in Hingham, MA.

You might be surprised how many of my new estate planning clients realize, after we’ve talked a little, that their ex-spouses are still named as the primary beneficiary of their life insurance policies or, more often even, their retirement accounts. And given the value of those assets, their reactions in that moment of realization are far less surprising. If you are divorcing or divorced, you need to ensure that you have changed the beneficiary of those and other pay on death type accounts.

And given that you will no longer be sharing your life with your ex-spouse, it’s likely you won’t also want him or her to be the one to speak for you in the event of your incapacity or be the one to make medical decisions for you, including whether to discontinue life support, if you are ever unable to do so yourself. So if you already had such estate planning documents in place (such as a Health Care Proxy or Living Will), now is the time to revise them. And if you have never got around to putting those critically important legal instruments in effect, there’s no time like the present.

But if you are a parent of a minor child, there is an even more important reason to sit down with your estate planning attorney immediately. You must make appropriate provisions for the care of your child in case anything happens to you. Yes, it’s awful to think about, maybe the second worst thing a parent could imagine, but it’s even worse not to address it and leave your child’s fate up to chance. It is your parental responsibility, not to mention a selfless act of love, to do everything you possibly can to ensure that your child be raised by the people of your choosing. It is not enough to choose and discuss it with people privately; it must be memorialized in the appropriate legal instruments. Godparents do not, for legal reasons, count.

While it’s true that if you were to die before your ex-spouse, he or she would be the “natural” guardian of your child and most likely to assume full custodial responsibility, it is also true that he or she might die while your child is still a minor and if yours is the only legal document nominating a guardian (i.e. if your ex-spouse did not also legally name a guardian), your wishes could provide persuasive guidance to the court. But if your ex-spouse were to die before you, the court would likely look to the guardian you legally named to raise your child. If you and your ex-spouse are able to be civil with one another and co-parent as cooperatively as possible for the distinct benefit of your child, see if you are able to agree on and both name the same legal guardians for the sake of sparing your child more uncertainty in the event that you and your ex-spouse should both happen to die at the same time or very close in time.

Those are the bare bones basics. Above and beyond that, there are some more complex considerations. For examples, if you are concerned that your ex-spouse might remarry and then divorce again losing your child’s inheritance to that subsequent ex-spouse, you might consider creating an asset protection trust to secure your child’s inheritance from that as well as other possible (and not at all unusual) possibilities. If you and your ex-spouse have an irrevocable charitable trust, it may be possible to divide it. Or if you and your ex-spouse have established a pattern of gifting that you do not wish to continue, you should be careful to make your change of intentions clear.

Don’t feel overwhelmed. Your estate planning attorney should be able to meet with you and help you identify your most pressing concerns, your most important priorities, and based on that properly advise you and help you create a new plan to meet your new situation so you can move forward into the next chapter of your life with peace of mind knowing you have your legal affairs firmly in place.