What is a Parent Coordinator?

According to the Guidelines for Parenting Coordination developed by the AFCC Task Force on Parenting Coordination:

"Parenting coordination is a child-focused alternative dispute resolution process in which a mental health or legal professional with mediation training and experience assists high conflict parents to implement their parenting plan by facilitating the resolution of their disputes in a timely manner, educating parents about children's needs, and with prior approval of the parties and/or the court, making decisions within the scope of the court order or appointment contract."

In other words, a Parent Coordinator helps parents avoid court by mediating their co-parenting disagreements.

Although some states have statutes that define Parent Coordinator's powers, in Massachusetts there is no statutory authority for parenting coordination. Judges differ on whether they have authority to order Parent Coordinators without a statute granting them that authority. Arguably the discretion afforded Judges to create orders for the best interest of the children could be extended to order the parents to cooperate with a parent coordinator. In all cases, though, Judges can affirm an agreement of the parties to use a parent coordinator.

This type of agreement is often recommended by attorneys in high conflict cases as a potential solution to avoiding multiple court hearings. In many instances a parent coordinator can be cheaper than going back to court again and again, and more effective because they not only assist with the immediate problem but help parents learn how to communicate with each other. If successful, the parents will no longer need the assistance of the court or eventually even the parent coordinator to help them co-parent effectively.

The Best Advice for Surviving Divorce: Remember the Serenity Prayer!

When divorcing clients get upset, I find it is most often due to things they cannot control, such as the behavior or choices of their ex-spouse.  The best counsel I have found in those situations is to encourage clients to work on the items they have control over, and to find ways to make peace with the things they cannot control.  This advice is essentially stolen from the serenity prayer:

The things you cannot change:

In a divorce case, you do not have control over what your spouse does.  You can ask the court to make orders that limit or direct certain behavior, but those orders are still only pieces of paper.  Violations of those orders will have consequences, but that process can still be time consuming and often frustrating for clients.  When that frustration takes hold, it is important to remember that you do not control what other people do, but you do control your reaction to what they do.

Courage to change the things you can:

When you want to react to the problems your ex is creating with their behavior, have the courage to respond appropriately and take the high road.  Too often frustration over bad behavior leads to more bad behavior between spouses.  Especially in cases with children this feedback cycle can be destructive.  Having the courage to be the better person, even when it is hurtful to your pride or frustrating, will ultimately help you find more peace with a bad situation because you are taking control over the things you can change: your own behavior.

And may you be granted the Wisdom to know the difference:

When you are unsure of how you should act or react in your divorce case, take advantage of the wisdom of others and the resources available to you.  Attorneys, counselors, and family support are all people that can help provide you with perspective on your actions and reactions.  It is understandable given the grief involved in ending a marriage that spouses will often react emotionally at first.  But taking the time to understand those emotions, and seeking objective assistance when needed, will provide you with the wisdom to separate out frustration over things you cannot control from decisions about how you should proceed with the things you can change.

You may not expect an attorney to advise you to pray when you're frustrated with your divorce case, but I have found that the Serenity Prayer extends beyond religion and if you prefer a secular version there are some similar words provided by Mother Goose:

For every ailment under the sun
There is a remedy, or there is none;
If there be one, try to find it;
If there be none, never mind it.

Mass Attorney General asking Federal Judge to declare DOMA unconstitutional.

According to a Boston Globe article, Massachusetts Attorney General Martha Coakley filed a request with the U.S. District Court last Thursday, February 19, 2010, to rule on the constitutionality of the Federal Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA). The reasoning behind the A.G.'s request is that DOMA forces Massachusetts to discriminate against same-sex spouses in order to maintain certain federal funding for programs like Medicaid and Veteran's burials.

These are only two examples of how DOMA affects same-sex spouses. Despite Massachusetts law granting same-sex couples the right to marry, there are Federal benefits that traditional spouses enjoy which same-sex couples do not because of DOMA. Many of these differences are related to tax benefits for spouses. For example, spouses can transfer property between each other without certain tax consequences where non-spouses cannot.

This can be a particularly difficult issue in same-sex divorces as it relates to retirement accounts. Because retirement accounts are defined by Massachusetts law as martial property, divorces often result in a non-taxable transfer of retirement funds between ex-spouses. When the division is completed by a Qualified Domestic Relations Order (QDRO) the transfer does not result in any tax consequences. But transfers between non-spouses of retirement funds are treated like a liquidation resulting in income tax and a tax penalty (if the plan participant is below retirement age). Since same-sex spouses are not spouses for federal purposes retirement account funds cannot be transferred without tax consequences.

Although you are unlikely to hear a lot of discussion relating to same-sex divorce in support of the same-sex marriage debate, the discrimination against same-sex spouses becomes even more evident when these spouses request the protection of divorce laws.

Even if you believe that states should have a right to decide the same-sex marriage issue state-by-state, it's hard to support discrimination by the Federal government of same-sex couples in the states that have already decided in favor of same-sex marriage. DOMA effectively throws the weight of the Federal government against same-sex marriage rather than remaining neutral on the issue. Good luck to the Mass A.G. in restoring at least some balance.

Divorce and Taxes: Issue #3. Child Dependency Exemptions

In any divorce case involving children, child support is not the only financial issue to be determined. Children's health insurance, medical expenses and sometimes extracurricular activity expenses will be determined by the Court. In addition, the Court can determine (or the parties can agree) on who may claim the child dependency exemptions on their income tax returns.

Issue #3. Child Dependency Exemptions: According to IRS Publication 504 you can claim a qualifying child as your dependent if the following are true:

"1. The child must be your son, daughter, stepchild, foster child, brother, sister, half brother, half sister, stepbrother, stepsister, or a descendant of any of them.

2. The child must be (a) under age 19 at the end of the year and younger than you (or your spouse, if filing jointly), (b) under age 24 at the end of the year, a full-time student, and younger than you (or your spouse, if filing jointly), or (c) any age if permanently and totally disabled.

3. The child must have lived with you for more than half of the year.

4. The child must not have provided more than half of his or her own support for the year.

5. The child is not filing a joint return for the year (unless that joint return is filed only as a claim for refund)."

There is an exception for section 3 for divorced or separated parents (or parents who live apart). A child of divorced or separated parents can be claimed if the following four statements are true:

"1. The parents:

a. Are divorced or legally separated under a decree of divorce or separate maintenance,

b. Are separated under a written separation agreement, or

c. Lived apart at all times during the last 6 months of the year, whether or not they are or were married.

2. The child received over half of his or her support for the year from the parents.

3. The child is in the custody of one or both parents for more than half of the year.

4. Either of the following applies.

a. The custodial parent signs a written declaration, discussed later, that he or she will not claim the child as a dependent for the year, and the noncustodial parent attaches this written declaration to his or her return. (If the decree or agreement went into effect after 1984, see Divorce decree or separation agreement that went into effect after 1984 and before 2009 , later.

b. A pre-1985 decree of divorce or separate maintenance or written separation agreement that applies to 2010 states that the noncustodial parent can claim the child as a dependent, the decree or agreement was not changed after 1984 to say the noncustodial parent cannot claim the child as a dependent, and the noncustodial parent provides at least $600 for the child's support during 2010." See Child support under pre-1985 agreement

There are more specific examples discussed in the publication, but the simple explanation is that a custodial parent with more than 50% of parenting time will have the right to claim the child as a dependent unless they voluntarily (or by order of the court) transfer that right to the other parent. If you receive an agreement that one parent is not going to claim the child dependency exemption you should also obtain a Form 8332 Release confirming said agreement.

The reason the exemption matters is because the standard deduction per child for tax year 2010 is $3,650. This means that every child you can claim as a dependent reduces your adjusted gross income by $3,650, which could have a significant effect on your overall tax liability. It is important, therefore, to discuss these tax exemptions when negotiating child support and other financial issues, because they may have significant value (and in some cases more value to one party than the other if you are in separate tax brackets).

Click here to read Divorce and Taxes: Issue #4. Property Transfers.